Maintain an optimistic outlook, always have a smile on your face, and learn to laugh at the many absurdities of life through thecutequote.com’s list of funny quotes! The great thing about these hilarious sayings is that they provide a little life wisdom with a comedic note. Not only do they help you remember the wisdom, but you can share them with friends to make them laugh. Whether they’re short sayings about life or funny positive sayings by famous people, this list has them all! Get ready for some sidesplitting life quotes and one-liners with this list!
Table of Contents
Best Funny Quotes
Who doesn’t love a funny quote or two to brighten up a dull day? Thecutequotes.com has compiled this list of the best funny quotes to make you smile. These comedic tidbits of wisdom remind you that there’s always a reason to laugh. Whether you’re feeling under the weather or just need a little pick me up, read through this list of the best funny quotes to make your day a little brighter!
- 1 Before judging someone, walk a mile in their shoes first. That way, he’ll be too far to hear what you have to say and you’ll have his shoes!
- 2 There are two types of people in every party. Those who want to stick around and those who are itching to go home. The sad part is they’re married to each other.
- 3 What do steaks and good sex have in common? They can both be rare!
- 4 I went to my psychiatrist today and told him that everyone I meet hates my guts. He said that was ridiculous. I haven’t met everyone yet!
- 5 You can live a longer life when you learn to laugh at your own mistakes. Or a shorter one if you try to laugh at the mistakes of others. Prepare for pummelings.
- 6 Of course, everything I want to do in life if immoral, illegal, or fattening.
- 7 If you’re in a pinch, borrow money from a pessimist. He’ll never expect it back.
- 8 I’m a little paranoid. I have six locks on my front door. When I go out, I only lock every other one. So when someone comes by picking my locks, they’re always locking three.
- 9 I read recipes the way I read science fiction stories. At the end, I think, “That’s not going to happen.”
- 10 I want to live forever. Haven’t encountered any issues so far.
Short Funny Quotes
Short funny quotes are easy to remember. You can whip them out when you want to make someone laugh. It’s one way to get people to like you more. Of course, the thing about one-liners is that you have to get the timing just right. You have to stick the landing if you want to get a laugh out of people. Thankfully, these short funny quotes from thecutequotes.com can fit any lighthearted situation.
- 11 At night, I find myself thinking why the heck kamikaze pilots bother to wear helmets.
- 12 Don’t put off till tomorrow that which you can do never.
- 13 People give you good advice when they get too old to set a bad example.
- 14 Who believes in astrology anyway? Tauruses don’t believe in all that hooey.
- 15 If you want to hit your target, shoot first. Whatever you hit, call it the target. Poor signpost.
- 16 The difference between stupidity and genius? There’s a limit to genius.
- 17 Banks lend you money only when you can prove that you don’t need it.
- 18 Why are Facebook and Instagram a thing? Seeing people’s vacation slides used to be punishment.
- 19 As a kid, my parents moved from place to place. Unlucky for them, I kept finding out where!
- 20 I got in at 9 am and my boss told me to have a good day. I immediately went home.
Funny Quotes and Sayings
The best funny quotes and sayings are the ones that will get your mind thinking. They might not be immediately funny, but if you’ve got a quick wit, they’ll have you roaring with laughter. These fun sayings by famous people may have been around for a while, but no one will dare say that they’ve lost their charm. Check out these funny quotes and sayings from thecutequotes.com and see just how hilarious they are!
- 21 I choked on some broccoli today. Dodged a bullet there. Henceforth, I will only eat cake.
- 22 I found my great grandma laughing during a party. When I asked her why, and she said “Everyone is here because I got laid.”
- 23 A clear conscience is the first sign of a bad memory.
- 24 I don’t trust people who always smile. They’re either trying to sell me something or they’re THE JOKER.
- 25 I couldn’t quite understand why the baseball was getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
- 26 I’ve heard horror stories that would chill you to the bone, but nothing compares to the abject terror of six dreadful words: “Does this make me look fat?”
- 27 Most studies will tell you that people’s biggest fear is public speaking. The second is death. That means when people go to a funeral, they’d rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy!
- 28 It’s sometimes hard to laugh at yourself. Don’t worry, I can do it for you.
- 29 My wife said I was immature. I told her to get out of my damn pillow fort.
- 30 Three things happen when you get old. First, your memory disappears. I forgot the other two.
Short Funny Quotes about Life in General
Isn’t life funny? There are days when you feel so down that you don’t think you can bring yourself to laugh. In truth, that’s the best time to read some short funny quotes about life in general. Humor is a natural defense mechanism; it prevents us from wallowing too much in our sadness. The next time you’re having a tough time, see the humor in life with these sayings from thecutequotes.com!
- 31 Go on rolling your eyes. You could just find a brain somewhere back there!
- 32 Wise men say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as I can!
- 33 Life begins at 50. But so does memory loss, heart disease, bad eyesight, and memory loss.
- 34 Now I finally have all the money I’ll need to live a happy life… But only if I die by noon today.
- 35 I used to dream of becoming somebody. I should have been more specific.
Funny Quotes for Kids
Whether you’re a kid at heart, a parent, or both, you’re sure to love these funny quotes for kids from thecutequotes.com. They’re perfect for days when you’re tired and overwhelmed by the rigors of parenthood. Some of these quotes are for adults who need a little humor, but some of them can be understood by precocious kids too! When your kids are grown up, you’ll miss the days when you could relate to these sayings!
- 36 The best way to get a kid’s attention is to talk quietly to someone else.
- 37 At bedtime, children turn into thirsty little philosophers who constantly need a hug.
- 38 Having a child is like installing a bowling alley inside your head.
- 39 I used to have a functioning brain, but I traded it in for children.
- 40 Children are always so carefree because they don’t have a folder in their mind labeled “What Can Go Wrong.”
Kids – they can really show you the humor in life. When you have kids, you have to see the funny side of things to get through the struggle of raising them right. Thankfully, thecutequotes.com has some of the best funny quotes for kids that you can turn to when you need a laugh. So keep your head up high, raise your kids with love, and don’t forget to show them how funny life can be!
Take some notes from these hilarious witticisms and find the humor in everyday situations. From funny quotes by famous people to funny positive sayings, this list from thecutequotes.com gives you sidesplitting wisdom that will perk you right up. Turn to this list of funny quotes for when you need a quick laugh. Share them with your friends to cheer them up on gloomy days. Keep them in mind to help you through a tough day. Also, please follow us on social media and share this list with the people who could use a laugh!